Recipes for a Sweet Child Amid ChallengesChikamu

Some children are naturally born more with more compliant personalities. I wish I could say I had those children…but I don’t. No, I have strong, independent, passionate kids who seem to like to question everything—and struggle with not being in complete control.

How about you? Maybe your child pushes beyond strong-willed more to the oppositional end of the spectrum.

Regardless of whether your child submits to your authority or boldly defies you, we all face this battle with our kids once in a while. Even God experienced it with Adam and Eve. They literally had the world yet chose to break the one rule God set for their own protection. And because of their defiance, we all wrestle with sin.

When our kids learn to obey us, they also learn the importance of obeying God. Jesus will never be Lord of our lives if we don’t live an obedient life. This is why we teach our kids to obey all the way, right away, and with a good attitude. Lacking in any of these leads to rebellion.

Typically, when a child is struggling with oppositional or defiant behavior, there are things we can do as parents to better support them. For example, clear expectations and consequences should be written out and posted somewhere.

Let your kids know what you expect of them by saying things like, “In ten minutes, you’ll need to come inside and finish your chores.” Use timers or visual aids such as marking a clock with tape. Also, acknowledge and demonstrate empathy for their feelings. Try to use positive directives instead of negative commands or questions to minimize pushback.

Finally, do not allow them to engage you in a power struggle. You are the parent, so you are in charge. Keep calm and stand firm. With consistency and a lot of prayer, you’ll begin to see improvement.

Teachable Moment

The story of Adam and Eve is a great starting place for exploring the concept of defiance. Another option is to study the story of Jonah and how his defiance led to three days in the belly of a fish. Be sure to point out how merciful God was when Jonah repented and chose to obey God.

Parents’ Prayer

God, please help me to be patient. Show me how to instill compliance in my children and guide us to strengthen our heart-to-heart connection. In Jesus’s name I pray. Amen.