Surviving TraumaChikamu

In the military, you train like you fight and fight like you train. Some jobs are closer to danger, but regardless of your job, when you’re deployed, you’re living at a heightened risk. There’s the unknown of serving and protecting in faraway, unstable areas of the world. And impending doom is a constant thought, whether it’s discussed or not.

King David endured trauma throughout his life, which a lot he brought on himself. When he felt hopeless, he never gave up his trust in the Lord. “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin” (Psalm 51:1-2).

I served 2 tours in the Persian Gulf, flying daily mission sets. A nerve-racking moment is when we would enter and exit the Gulf through the Strait of Hormuz. The Strait is an important chokepoint to the Gulf with Iran just miles away for the 90-mile stretch. Due to the threat of Iran and their mobile missile units targeting the Strait, the entire carrier group (aircraft carrier, cruiser, frigates, destroyers, and submarines) are on high alert. We remained in an Alert 5 status as we slowly moved through the night with no lights, just our night vision goggles. Alert 5 means we were ready to clear the flight deck of a full arsenal of aircraft within 5 minutes. F-18’s and F-14’s, loaded with missiles were locked in the catapults ready to launch within seconds. Another crewman and I sat in the HH-60H helicopter manning two mounted M240 machine guns, plus a Marine was onboard holding a grenade launcher. We would be the first to launch when we got the call to support the ships and aircraft or to even sacrifice ourselves by intercepting an incoming missile to protect the carrier. Fortunately, we didn’t have to do that.

During my first trip through the Strait, I was 20 years old, soaking wet from profusely sweating in my wet suit and flight gear as we sat with the helo chalked and chained with the rotors spinning. Everyone remained eerily quiet on the radios and internal communication system as we anticipated the launch order. I remember experiencing the fear of the unknown that I suppressed, to maintain the discipline I was trained for. I bargained with myself and God, that if I got through safely I would “______” fill in the blank. In those vulnerable and helpless moments, it’s not uncommon to try to regain control by bargaining as if it will affect the outcome of the situation.

Joshua 1:9 is a verse that’s self-explanatory, but sometimes hard to apply in the moment of intense fear. It tells us to be strong and courageous, not terrified or discouraged. When pending doom is surrounding you and you are literally seconds from life or death, it’s easier said than done to not be terrified. God is with us wherever we are, protecting us not only during His plans for us in this life, but also His plans for us in the afterlife. Releasing our fears to Him provides us the peace and clarity to fulfill His plan. We are called to provide our complete trust in Him, no matter the outcome.

Daily Journal

Write down a time you bargained with God in a time of experiencing trauma. Did you follow through with those promises or did you just go back to your normal life after the moment passed?

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