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The tension between father and son

After several years of living in Geshur, King David sent Joab, one of his servants, to bring Absalom back to Jerusalem. Absalom was a mature, handsome adult (2 Samuel 14:25). Absalom lived in Jerusalem without ever seeing King David in person.

But he wasn’t satisfied living in his father's shadow, and he began endearing himself to the people who came to King David with issues and complaints. After four years, he requested to move to Hebron, and King David agreed. There was very little contact or relational engagement between King David and his son Absalom during this time.

Absalom declared himself king over Hebron and amassed a small army of 200 men all the while developing a conspiracy to usurp his father’s throne. One of the king’s servants told him of Absalom’s plot to overthrow him, so he gathered his family, servants, and army and fled Jerusalem.

Absalom did exactly what David predicted and entered Jerusalem with his army. Absalom tried to provoke David to attack Jerusalem, but it didn’t work. King David arrived in Mahanaim with his armies, servants, and household. He organized his army into three groups.

He sent out his armies to attack Absalom and his men, but with this word of guidance: “Be gentle with the young man Absalom for my sake” (2 Samuel 18:5). His request to treat his son leniently shows his great love for his son and his hope for reconciliation.

One of David’s commanders, Joab, thrust a javelin through Absalom’s heart during battle. Absalom couldn’t escape divine judgment. The Lord declared in the Torah that the one who dishonored his father was cursed (Deut. 27:16), and likewise, the one who slept with his father’s wife was cursed (Deut. 27:20). Absalom had done both.

Joab disregarded King David’s instructions and took the life of Absalom in the heat of the battle. Joab knew better than David himself, who was governed by his parental sensibilities in this situation. He sent Ahimaaz, a messenger, to give David the news of Absalom’s death (2 Samuel 18:31-33).

When King David hears the news, he cries out Absalom’s name three times, indicating the depth of his grief over his son's death. His grief exposes a difficult predicament for him as king, his family, and his subjects. While Absalom was David’s son, he was also a traitor.

David, the father, took precedence over David, the king, and he lived with this conflict during the entire revolt of his son Absalom. It appears in domestic matters that King David was not as accustomed to placing himself under the control of the Divine as he was in the more public business of his life. Consequently, in family matters, he was without the steady influence of submission to the will of God.

David may be grieving more than just the death of Absalom. He may also be grieving the death of Bathsheba’s son, the rape of Tamar, the murder of Amnon, his loss of the people’s trust, and ultimately the knowledge that he is the one to blame for all these losses.

David’s own sin brought the king to his knees, the kingdom to the ground, and his sons to the grave.

Absalom is a key example of the perils of pride, personal vanity, and extravagance at his father's expense. This royal family demonstrates the impact of a dysfunctional family. Rather than a normal functioning family, the consequences of a dysfunctional family life impact the individuals and the entire nation.