The Sacred Search by Gary ThomasSample

“A Gorgeous Mistake”

And for you guys—since I’m one of you, I know what you’re looking for. We like to look, particularly at gorgeous women. Since has established this (a 2009 Dutch study demonstrated that attractive women can literally derail a man’s cognitive functioning), and the Bible concedes this, telling young men in Proverbs 31 not to be led astray by a woman’s beauty or charm, because both of these fade. God knows that we are enthralled with physical beauty.

Within marriage, this captivation can be a wondrous thing. It’s actually a blessing to be enthralled by your wife’s breasts (Prov. 5:18-19), but when choosing a wife, we also have to be careful about putting more weight on things that last. In case you’ve never thought about it, a woman’s body changes much more rapidly than her character does.

That’s why, when choosing a wife, you want to find a woman who is seeking first God’s kingdom now. You want to find a woman who is seeking righteousness now. If she isn’t a mission-based woman while you date, what will make her a mission-based woman after the wedding?

And lest you think that “mission-based woman” sounds boring, puritanical, and even asexual, let me assure you that when it comes to sex, virtue is your friend. Find a godly wife who is motivated by God, not just her own desires. God will never stop loving you, God will never stop caring about you, so if a woman is motivated by God and listens to God, she’ll keep loving you, too (including sexually), because she’ll get that love and motivation from God. And not meant to be mean or anything, but there are times when you won’t be all that lovable. If your future wife isn’t motivated by God, there’s not enough about you to keep her interested.

* Men, are you looking for a virtuous, mission-based woman, or are you looking merely for physical attractiveness? Do you believe that a wife motivated by God will love you longer and more fully than one motivated by different desires?