The Sacred Search by Gary ThomasSample

“An Exciting Mistake”

Women, my goal is to get you to care about your boyfriend’s godliness as much as a wife cares about her husband’s godliness. It’s his character that will help keep your life mission alive as feelings begin to fade. I’ve rarely had a wife complain to me about her husband’s looks. When wives send me emails, it’s almost always about character issues: “He shouldn’t do this thing. He should do that thing, but doesn’t. How do I fix this?”

Yet most women are not seeking men of character first. They are seeking men with whom they feel “in love.” If they do feel in love, they will excuse every fault they see in their man, trying to make the relationship work. If they do not feel in love, they will not seriously consider the man as a potential mate.

In front of a very large group, I asked all the married women to stand up. Then I said, “I want you to sit down if you disagree with me that a man’s godliness should be one of the top two things a single woman should consider when choosing a mate.”

Not one wife—not one—sat down. Every married woman was telling every single woman: find a man with solid character who is growing in the Lord and pursuing godliness.

Can I be blunt? Can I put on my “pastor’s hat” here for just a second and flat out tell you what I hope you want? Acts 6:3 sums it up perfectly: “Choose… men… who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom.” This is what the early church looked for in leaders of their congregations, and it’s what you want to look for in leaders of your home. Men who are filled with the Spirit—they are alive to God, and God is active in them—and men who are full of wisdom. You won’t regret making a choice founded on that basis. Can this honestly be said about your boyfriend? “He’s a man full of the Spirit and wisdom”? If not, are you sure you want to settle?

* Women, are you foregoing character and godliness in order to pursue feelings? How long do you think these feelings will last into the marriage?