I Shouldn't Feel This Way by Dr. Alison CookSample

When we’re tangled up inside, it’s hard to maintain perspective. Complicated or painful situations detonate conflicting thoughts and feelings that can feel chaotic and overwhelming. Often one strong emotion is colliding with another equally strong one. You might feel anger, but then you feel guilty about feeling anger. Or you might feel hurt, but then you feel anxious about taking action. Your reactions might be related to a current experience, or they might be influenced by past events. Shame may enter in and you criticize yourself, further complicating an already complicated mix.

Your nervous system gets activated, and you tend to react based on prior conditioning or automatic responses rather than thoughtful, conscious awareness. It’s incredibly challenging to respond wisely to what’s happening outside of you until you acknowledge and patiently work through the turmoil inside of you. The very first step is to stop and notice what you’re experiencing: Name what’s hard. Start with yourself.

Naming is a profound act of noticing, acknowledging, and validating the truth of what you’re thinking and feeling at any given moment. You stop anxiously ruminating, impulsively reacting, or grasping for a solution and start paying attention to what’s happening inside your own mind. What am I feeling right now? What’s happening inside? Naming the truth of your inner experience is a powerful step toward clarity. It empowers you to make a wiser choice.

Naming is like dropping a pin on a map that labels the starting point of where you are. It requires patience and self-awareness. It means asking others to wait while you take your time to get it right: “I’m trying to name what’s going on with me. I’m not sure how to say it yet.” But with care and attention, you’ll identify a name that not only you but other people will understand: “Aha! This is where I am!”

Prayer

Father, when I experience turmoil and unrest, please give me wisdom and clarity as I seek to better understand my feelings. Amen.