When Relationships Get ComplicatedSample

Changing Roles

Most relationships change over time, often due to circumstances. Dynamics shift whether we want them to or not. A parent watches a child grow into adulthood. A neighbor becomes the president of the HOA. A college graduate takes a teaching job at her old high school and is now a colleague to those who once taught her. One friend is promoted as a supervisor at work. Siblings who fought as children are now best friends, or vice versa.

With each changing relationship, our role in it often evolves in some way. We see examples of this in Scripture:

• The 12 sons of Jacob went from brothers to master/servants (with Joseph in authority over the rest).
• Naomi and Ruth went from in-laws to friends.
• Saul and David went from king/servant to political rivals.
• Mary and Jesus went from mother/son to follower/Rabbi and eventually to worshipper/Lord.
• Peter and Paul went from religious enemies to fellow ministers and eventually to friends.

Navigating the evolving dynamics is critical to thriving and lasting relationships. Whether it’s for better or worse, when relationships change, the people in them do, too. It might mean that to persevere in the relationship, you’ll have to adapt.

For example, when your child becomes an adult, you may have to keep your opinions to yourself. When your neighbor becomes your boss, you’ll need to do what she says. When you become the caregiver for your parent, you may have to make hard decisions as if you are now the parent.

On the other hand, sometimes when relationships evolve, the people in them change for the better. In his sermon “Building Wise Friendships,” Dr. Stanley describes this positive change as a reward for using wisdom in cultivating friendships: “When you and I develop a relationship with someone, a real genuine friendship, we’re challenged by that person and he or she is challenged by us. So what happens? Change takes place—good change.”

REFLECT

• Think of one of your relationships that has changed. How long did it take for the change to happen?
• What roles do you have now in your relationships that you didn’t have 10 years ago? Are there any roles you miss? Are there any you now embrace?
• What relationships have caused you to change the most?