The 10 Myths Of Teen DatingSample

The Limitations of Teen Romance

But lack of maturity is not the only reason a boy won’t be able to give your daughter the happiness she longs for. Research shows that something else is at play. It’s actually the same reason wealth and fame don’t bring happiness: hedonic adaptation. From the Greek word hedone, which means “pleasure,” hedonic adaptation is the process by which pleasurable things become less pleasurable.

Simply put, hedonic adaptation is the idea that the intensity of your first experience doing something cannot be repeated. Each successive time you experience something, it becomes slightly less satisfying. While some sensations such as the taste of good food and sex (and drug use, unfortunately) adapt more slowly, many others quickly become mundane because of hedonic adaptation.

This also explains why wealth and what it buys do not bring happiness. A car can only be new for so long. Flying first class becomes the norm as we experience it again and again. (But I’d be willing to put that theory to the test by flying first class a few times!) A large house is a thrill when you first walk in, but it soon becomes just another possession. In short, we grow used to the trappings money can buy. The same is true of fame. While the thrill of attention is great, its draw weakens as one becomes accustomed to the feeling.

So will a boyfriend make your daughter happy? The answer is yes, but only a little bit and only for a little while. This finding is based on the biology of love. Research scientist Helen Fisher posits that love has three stages. The first stage of these stages is lust. (We’ll look at the other two stages in the dating myth #3 chapter.)

The wild, passionate feelings of lust in the early days, weeks, and months of a relationship are incredible, but as they are experienced more and more, they lose some of their potency because of hedonic adaptation. Many young girls confuse the euphoric feelings that accompany this stage with happiness. It certainly seems that one is happier in the early stages of a relationship. However, this emotion fades over time.

We can have that special feeling only for so long before it becomes routine. The writer of the book of Ecclesiastes knew all of this millennia ago when he declared, “Everything is meaningless.” Before the era of science, Hebrew Scriptures warned that happiness is elusive. So given all the places and the ways we can’t find happiness, just where will your daughter (and you!) find lasting happiness?