Growing as an Enneagram Three: The AchieverSample

Avoiding Deceit

The Enneagram pairs specific deadly sins with each type to help us expose blind spots that may be tripping us up. For Threes, the deadly sin you struggle with the most is deceit. It usually doesn’t mean purposely lying to others; instead, it’s people-pleasing to avoid conflict.

Here’s an example:

Imagine someone you’re getting to know at work or church starts talking about their love of a famous movie or book franchise that you think is overrated. You don’t voice your true opinion about it. Instead, you nod and smile while they talk about their favorite scenes, how the movies compare to the books, and other remarks of that nature. When they ask if you want to come to their annual extended-edition marathon, you’re conflicted internally, thinking, I definitely do not want to spend an entire day watching the movie franchise, but it feels so awkward to say that. I’ll just say I’d love to go; then, something will “come up.”

So you agree to go, even though you have no intention of actually going. Or maybe you just say, “That sounds cool!” without actually agreeing to go but also not being open about your decision to avoid it. 

Most Threes who hear this scenario say this would not necessarily be lying. They’ve argued that dumping on someone’s favorite franchise is rude, so they’d have a clear conscience just letting the conversation go on without mentioning their true feelings.

However, if this new acquaintance were to tell one of your friends that you agreed to come to their movie marathon, what if your friend reacted by saying, “What? They hate that franchise! I’ve heard them rant about its over-popularity at least a dozen times.” If this were to happen, you would be caught in a lie.

When you go through most of your life, people-pleasing and believing your 100 percent truest self will not always be welcome, it can seem like the only two options left are to misrepresent the truth or be rude. However, there is a third option here. You can say, “I’ve never met someone so into this franchise! It’s not really for me, but I admire your passion for it.” 

Some people might indeed get offended even when you disagree with them politely, but you’re more in trouble with God for misrepresenting the truth than for not making everyone happy 100 percent of the time.