Grief Bites: A New Approach to Growing Through GriefSample

70% of couples will divorce after the death of a child and 90% of parents with a disabled child will divorce.

Many marriages and families experience deep hurtful conflict in the midst of grief.

It is VITAL for families to look out for each other and not turn towards self-seeking or selfish behaviors while going through grief, loss, or hardships.

Both husband and wife need to realize that they each will handle grief very differently.
One may cry a lot, while the other may not cry much at all. One may want to talk about their grief, while the other may think about their grief internally. One may want reminders of their child to remain around the house, while it may be very painful for the other parent.

When it comes to a disability, this loss may trigger many raw emotions that the couple is not prepared for. Both will need to allow each other the freedom to go through each emotion they face.

Each person who goes through grief will handle it in their own individual way. Both spouses will need to respect and honor each other's grief process. When we expect another person to grieve exactly how we grieve in the same way, we are putting a very unfair burden on our spouse. This will lead to broken communication and resentment.

Another area to be aware of is finding comfort in talking to others of the opposite sex about your loss. I have seen many add to their loss by getting involved in substance abuse, excessive drinking, and adulterous relationships.

These may provide temporary relief, but in the long run, these will add much heartache.

Be available to talk to your spouse when they need you most...love them unconditionally through their heartache...be sensitive and sympathetic...ask if there is anything you can do to help them through their pain.

Pray together each and every day. Draw close to God as a couple and to each other.

A selfish spirit can lead to great damage and evil. Strive with all your might to be compassionate, caring, sensitive, thoughtful, & kind. Look for ways to serve one another with great love and deference.

The temptation to isolate yourself may be great, but fight that temptation.

What do you do if your spouse becomes bitter towards God or chooses to isolate their self? Pray for them. Love them. Give them time to understand their grief...and above all, trust God. Even though your world has collapsed, He is in control and can lift you up.