Healing Family Relationships Through CompassionSample

Lindsay was fed up with Ellie. Their relationship as sisters had been rocky since childhood, and now in their thirties things were getting even worse. They did not grow up in a Christian home, but Lindsay was born again through a campus ministry in college. Over the years, both sisters had done many things to cause damage to the relationship, including large portions of jealousy, competitiveness, backstabbing, and lying.

After Lindsay became a Christian, the Lord began to help her take steps to improve the relationship with her sister. She apologized for some of the nasty things she had done. She confessed her jealousy. While Lindsay continued to struggle with some mean-spirited behavior toward Ellie, there was improvement. However, Ellie's attitude toward Lindsay continued to worsen. At family gatherings, she either avoided Lindsay or was outright rude to her. When they did talk, it seemed as if Ellie's top priority was to brag about her accomplishments.

Lindsay had had enough. This pattern of behavior from Ellie was unacceptable. She thought, “How can my sister treat me like this? What is her problem? Okay, so we have had our issues, but all sisters have issues. Why can't she just try being nice to me?” That question, "What's her problem?" kept coming into Lindsay’s mind. Her anger was growing. It was during a prayer time when she sensed the Lord breaking through and answering her question! What is Ellie's problem? She is dead in her sins. She is not born again. She has not received forgiveness and does not have a relationship with Christ. She is acting spiritually dead because she is spiritually dead.

As the Lord convicted Lindsay of this truth, she recognized her judgmental spirit toward her sister and that she had been wrongly expecting someone who was not a believer to act like someone who was. With this vital insight, the Lord filled her heart with more compassion for Ellie. She began to pray in new ways. Instead of praying for God to "make their relationship better," she asked the Lord to "work in Ellie's life and bring her to faith in Christ. Use me as a light for Christ in our relationship."

Reflection Question: How might viewing a difficult family member through the lens of their spiritual condition change your approach to them?