Jesus Never Caught AnxietySample

Understanding Differentiation

Our world is filled with all kinds of anxiety, but chronic anxiety is the one that’s contagious. It brings a false message, blurring reality and convincing us that we need something that we don’t actually need. Whether it’s showing up in you or in others, it can spread quickly between spaces and easily infect our mindset. One of the most powerful ways to diffuse chronic anxiety is through a tool called differentiation.

Differentiation is the ability to be exactly who you are while staying deeply connected to others, even to those who disagree with you. It’s the ability to walk into an anxious situation and lead people into a new reality while maintaining a caring connection with them, even if they are sabotaging your efforts. It’s remaining clear on your visions and values and ensuring they are aligned with reality.

Differentiation lies on a spectrum between enmeshment and detachment. Enmeshment is when we’re all caught up in another’s business. When we’re enmeshed, it’s difficult for us to be okay if someone else is not okay. In Matthew 2:3, we read that when Herod was troubled, all of Jerusalem was troubled with him. All of Jerusalem was enmeshed with Herod.

When we swing the pendulum to the other side, we experience detachment or indifference. When we’re detached, we’re not connected to others at all, and this disconnect often manifests itself through anger or self-righteousness. In John 8, the Pharisees were not at all concerned or sympathetic to the woman caught in adultery. They had reduced her to nothing more than a prop. They were severely detached.

When we are differentiated, we are between the extremes of enmeshment and detachment. We are managing our own reactivity so that it doesn’t spill onto others. We are not catching others’ anxiety. We are staying emotionally connected to ourselves, to others, and to God. We are clear about our vision and values, and we’re ensuring that those visions and values are aligned with reality.

Reality is what the gospel is all about. Chronic anxiety pollutes our thinking and removes our ability to see what’s really going on. It displaces our awareness of God’s presence and wants us to believe a lie. John 8:32 reminds us that the truth sets us free. It’s so important that we understand who we are in relation to what is true.

In the next few days, we will explore how Jesus perfectly modeled differentiation. He managed his own anxiety; He didn’t allow others to make Him anxious. He was deeply connected to his Father and to people, and His vision and values were perfectly aligned with reality.

What are your visions and values—the things that drive your decisions?

Is there anything that you’re carrying that God is inviting you to hand to him?

Do you tend to lean more towards enmeshment or detachment?