Overcoming Loneliness in College a 9-Day Devotional by Cantice Greene and Joshua GreeneSample

In Love or Just Lonely?

Josh says…

Fun fact about me:

I proposed to a girl in kindergarten (unfortunately, it did not work out).

I spent most of elementary, middle, and high school as a hopeless romantic, always on the search for “the one.” You would think that after about the fifth or sixth “one,” I would maybe catch on. But no, not me.

In college, the first real girlfriend I ever had was an awesome person. She loved the Lord, loved me, and cared about me very deeply. And it was in dating her that I realized something about myself that I grew to hate very much.

I wasn’t searching for girls because I really liked women (even though I do really like women, respectfully); I just hated the idea of being alone.

This was hard to accept because it felt childish, immature, and wrong. I began to realize that for years, my pursuit of women had been childish, immature, and wrong. The Golden Rule, which I had attempted to live by for most of my life (“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets” -Matthew 7:12), was one I was apparently okay with breaking in this context.

So, in my first college relationship, about three months into my relationship with this amazing woman, I realized that I didn’t feel like we were compatible in many ways. These feelings came to a head when, after driving her home from a Bible study late one night, I uttered the words, “I don’t think I see a future with you.”

I hate hurting people. I hate even thinking that I have hurt people. I am an extrovert, I love people, love being around people, and on my worst days, I am very much a people pleaser.

For that reason, I am very glad that I experienced the heartbreak that I put that girl through that night. At that moment, I told myself that I never wanted to hurt someone like that again. I never wanted to dive into a dating relationship without seriously considering my intentions, my future with that person, and our compatibility. I never wanted to break someone’s heart just because, selfishly, I was lonely and just wanted someone to be with, and I know you don’t either. Cultivating solitude and understanding your different needs will help you know whether you’re in love or you’re just lonely.

Meditate on this: Song of Solomon 2:7; Song of Solomon 3:1-5