Why Is Vulnerability So Hard?Sample

Being vulnerable made me scared.

After I received the email in which the man said he was "gratified" that someone had told him about my problem, I became gunshy about being vulnerable in public again. For years, on Monday mornings, I was scared to open my emails and find a nasty one.

But God was at work in my heart, healing the broken places. I found that as I grow in trust and vulnerability with God, this growth gives me greater confidence and wisdom in being vulnerable with others. When I am securely attached to and at home with Jesus, I gain the courage to show up in my relationships with others.

You will need both wisdom and courage if you will be vulnerable again.

Proverbs 3:5- 6 describes how trusting in God and leaning on our own understanding are opposite choices. If you open yourself up and trust in God more, you may need to take steps that don't make sense to you. Being vulnerable again might not make sense. Yet James 1:5 tells us that God gives us generously when seeking His wisdom. God's wisdom will lead you towards vulnerability rooted in wisdom, not foolishness.

But wisdom alone won't be enough. You'll also need courage. Being vulnerable may trigger fears of past hurts. In the face of those fears, you'll have a choice to step forward rather than pull back. In Joshua 1, an angel told the man leading the people of Israel to "be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

This new approach to vulnerability will require you to ask new questions.

First, ask yourself, "Am I looking to this person that only God can give me?" People cannot give us ultimate worth and value. We often look for a specific reaction when we share something vulnerable. Before you share, make sure you know what you're expecting and if you're looking to meet a need from a source that can never meet it.

Second, based on experience, determine if this person is safe. Past performance is the best predictor of future performance. As followers of Jesus, we are people of grace, and we've all benefited from second chances. But Jesus also taught his followers to be wise as serpents. If someone has a pattern of being unsafe emotionally and wounding you without remorse or a behavior change, choose the wise path.

Third, ask yourself, "Am I starting with something small, or am I jumping to extreme vulnerability?" Begin with something you could live with another person knowing and using against you or something you could survive the whole world knowing. Jesus told his disciples that people who were faithful with little would be faithful with much. As Jesus described, extend greater trust as you gain more excellent experience with that person.

You may never be a master at vulnerability, but you can grow beyond where you are today. The One who gave himself for humanity yet experienced betrayal and rejection by those closest to Him can do greater things in and through you than you can imagine.

Thanks for letting me encourage you through this plan—I'd love to continue encouraging you! Click here for complimentary access to the Help with Vulnerability Action Plan, overflowing with Biblical and practical tools to equip you with wisdom and courage.