Day Seven: The Words of Life: The Holy One of God

"Christianity is not simply a message but an experience of faith that becomes a message." - Brennan Manning

"It is really true what philosophy tells us, that life must be understood backwards. But with this, one forgets the second proposition, that it must be lived forwards. A proposition which, the more it is subjected to careful thought, the more it ends up concluding precisely that life at any given moment cannot really ever be fully understood; exactly because there is no single moment where time stops completely in order for me to take position [to do this]: going backwards." - Soren Kierkegaard

Listen to "Liturgy" by the Jason Lee McKinney Band to supplement today's reading.

Often our intellectual doubts and deconstructions are birthed from painful personal experience. Likewise, our faith and reconstructions are birth from positive personal experiences. As we live and gain more and more understanding of our experiences, our perception can change. We can even come to see the redemptive nature of our most painful experiences even if we never fully understand why we had to go through them. The redemptive transformation of all our experiences is the core message of Christianity.

In my experience most of the time when I grow in faith, it is on the backside of a period of doubt. When I have perceived a mountain elation in God's presence it is almost always after a time of pain and disappointment. All humans will have doubts about their belief system and worldview. All humans live by putting their faith in their belief system and worldview. I have deconstructed and reconstructed many of my beliefs. I doubt easy and believe hard. I don't have any delusions that I am done with doubt. I fully expect I'll doubt again, and you should too. It is okay, doubt is an integral part of faith. It is certainty that is faith's enemy.

I think it is important that we put the critical eye on what is causing our doubts as much as the doubting of beliefs we once held firm. I have found that if I give my faith a fair shake it can stand up against and hold its own with any counter view. Friends, I have always been able to reconstruct my faith with more intellectual and experiential integrity than i have in leaving it. I am beginning to doubt that will ever change. Where else am I going to go? I know that Jesus has the words of life, and I continue to come back to the belief that Jesus is the Holy One of God.

My friend and brother Jesus. My savior and Lord. Jesus, be the delight and pleasure of my often-wandering soul. You are my reassurance in doubts. Help me to doubt my doubt even more than I doubt my beliefs. You are the Lord of my deconstruction and reconstructions. You are the redeemer of my painful experiences, the one I can return to over and over even in despair. You are my light and guide in every uncertainty and confusion, you are the forgiver of my failures, the secure of my faith and salvation, my rock when my thoughts are sinking in sand. Lord, you still love me even when what you say is right doesn't seem right to me. You are patient with my questions and questioning. Help me by gifting me the wisdom in these times to understand why you say what you say but the wisdom to trust you even when I can't understand.

Jesus, you are the one who is so very longsuffering with me when I am trying to work things out, even when it is taking longer than it should. Jesus, you have proven yourself over and over again, you are the one that I can always trust, even when I can't figure out who to trust. You have the words to life and are the Holy One of God. Jesus, build my faith in these truths, in your Holy faithful name. Amen.

This devotion is an excerpt from Dr. Jason Lee McKinney's devotional book, Devotions for Deconstructors, Disciples, and Doubters,and based on his book, Deconstructing a Disciple's Doubt.

The accompanying music comes from Jason Lee McKinney Band's album One Last Thing.

If you are interested in reading Dr. McKinney's books or listening to the music inspired by it, visit this link .