Love, Intimacy and Sex in the Second Half of Marriage: Part 3 - SEXSample

Embracing the Differences

Making the effort to understand your spouse is essential when talking about sex. We are different, and not just physically. Genesis 1:27 tells us God created man. Then in Genesis 2:18, 22-24, He created woman. We see that both of them were created in the image of God, yet with unique differences.

Most of us have figured out by now that there are differences that we may not totally understand, but accepting them makes a huge difference in our sex life. When we both embrace these differences, our sex life is so much better.

Men tend to care more about the sex act. Women tend to care more about the state of the relationship. That is not an absolute, and sometimes the roles are reversed, but here I am speaking about the majority. Men are usually stronger than women physically, therefore husbands are specifically called to be considerate and honoring of their wife (1 Peter 3).

Generally speaking, men have more frequent desires and needs than their wife does. I think the fact that men are very visual plays a big part in this. Most men have wider boundaries in sex. In other words, what we think about concerning sex can be different from what our wife is thinking about. This is not a right or wrong thing, just a difference.

Women on the other hand tend to place more value on relational connection, trust and commitment. A woman is very vulnerable in sex, therefore she needs to feel safe and accepted in order to be open in the sexual relationship. She needs to feel safe. Women also want to know that their husband enjoys the time that he spends with her.

Here’s an example for you. There have been times in our marriage when I looked at Nancy and thought she was the sexiest thing I had ever seen, but at the same time, she looked at me and thought of how impatient I had been with her that morning. There is so much value in this difference, though. We each learn to value what the other wants. We learn to communicate our needs and desires, to work together, to keep short accounts, and how important sex is in our relationship.

Our sexual relationship is always better when our overall relationship is better. What we do not want to do is let these differences become obstacles. We need to embrace them.

Things To Think About

• What differences are affecting your sex life?
• How can you begin to embrace these differences?