I Used to Be ___Sample

So much of what guides us is internal. Consider who or what prompts your internal voice. Is the Holy Spirit your guide? Or maybe pressure from yourself or the world determines much of your behavior.

Are you allowed to cry? Men are often expected to be strong, so they may not feel the freedom to express themselves through tears. Or perhaps crying was the only acceptable emotional expression in your family. Maybe you’re unwilling to let yourself feel because you’ve lost control in the past or have been taunted for your feelings. These may be valid reasons to avoid letting yourself experience hurt, but do you really want someone else’s uncaring response or your past mistakes to keep you from healing?

You loved. You were loved. Without love (or at least the expectation that love is a possibility), there isn’t a strong sense of loss. Give yourself permission to feel, to laugh, to _____. How do you fill in the blank? I give myself permission to _____.

If you filled in the blank with a negative term, such as leave, scream, or hate, or if you filled in the blank with a more positive idea, let’s explore why giving yourself permission could be helpful, even if your behavior is less than ideal.

Why should we give ourselves permission to feel? Permission empowers. Locking away our feelings often imprisons us and prevents us from moving to a place where we can laugh and experience loving feelings when we reflect on our past. Then, we can invite God to fill us with His Spirit, which will result in us bearing life-sustaining fruit.

In a year or two, who do you want to be? Are there unhealthy expectations placed on you that keep you from processing your hurt? If so, think about who put them on your shoulders. For example, suppose an aunt kindly asked you how you are and then said, “Hopefully you’ll feel better in a month or two.” When you feel terrible later, you might think, I should be feeling better by now. Instead of simply accepting those negative feelings, give yourself permission to release the expectations that you and others have put on yourself and say, “Grief is unpredictable. I give myself permission to be wrong about my assumptions regarding how long it will take to heal.”

Though it takes time, you can move forward, grow closer to God, and heal after loss.

Let's pray.

God,

I know healing from loss doesn't happen on the timeline I want it to. Today, I ask for You to make your everlasting love known to me. Help me continue to rely on you and give myself permission to feel and to grieve, no matter how long it takes.

Amen.

Journal:

Write a few sentences about how you've been expressing your grief thus far and how you want to express your grief. Do they match up? If not, write a few sentences on how you can move towards grieving in a way that really helps you heal and be true to your emotions.

If you've enjoyed this YouVersion plan, visit chuckandashley.com to learn more about Chuck and Ashley and read more + order the book I Used to Be ___ to continue working through your loss. This plan is pulled from an excerpt of I Used to Be ___ by Chuck and Ashley.