I Used to Be ___Sample

As we began writing this, I, Chuck, got a call. My grandmother had breathed her last breath. I had been expecting the call; she was ninety-­eight years old and in hospice care. But preparation didn’t chase the experience of loss out the door. Thoughts flooded me of past experiences and future losses that I know will come. When we face loss, time stands still. Time speeds away. The past and the future come crashing together in a single crescendo.

You may find yourself staring at a computer screen, wondering where the time has gone, yet meetings or other engagements might seem to last forever and require more mental effort than in the past.

That same morning, I waited for butter to melt as I prepared breakfast—a solid transformed into a liquid. Change. Thoughts of the past and future engulfed my mind. Life had changed so much.

Today, I lost a title. I no longer have someone who will call me grandson.

I used to be a grandson. Some may argue that I’m still a grandson, but that day my heart was highly aware of the loss.

It can be difficult to balance between giving ourselves space to “feel” the loss and continuing on. What is true strength? If we let ourselves walk through this experience of grief, we may lose all productivity for the day. However, if we barrel through without stopping to process, will we yell at our kids later?

Give yourself space to contemplate your experience, to “go there.” Consider grabbing a notebook (or a notes app on your phone), a Bible, and a writing utensil to record your thoughts as you process. What has led to this point? Let time move. Let time be still. Embrace the moment. Allow yourself to be present with your thoughts.

Let’s pray.

God,

Today my loss feels so heavy. My ache for my lost title is so painful, and I need You to sit with me in this hurt. As I begin to process my grief, Lord, allow me to turn to You for my strength.

Amen.

Journal:

Let’s start with something straightforward. Today, I feel ___. Write a few sentences about how you feel today. If you can’t think about your grief yet, try being honest with yourself about how you feel at this moment.