Moving Through GriefSample

Becoming Aware

Take a moment to think about your thoughts and become aware of them. Consider what you have you been thinking about in the past twenty-four hours. Have your thoughts been overwhelmingly positive, negative, or somewhere in between?

How have you coped?

Sometimes we cope by distancing from God. Perhaps we feel shameful or undesirable because of our negative coping. We’re allowed to admit disappointment, to feel hurt, to struggle with anger. But let’s take it all to God. He’s big enough to handle our deepest, darkest emotions and hurts. If you’re in a negative space with God, tell Him about it. It may very well be your first step back toward a positive space.

As you think about how you cope, consider the purpose of coping. Coping allows us to feel happy again or prevents us from feeling unhappy (temporarily). For example, if we evade talking about our loss, we momentarily keep ourselves from feeling sad. But, in time, avoidant behavior may end up leaving us feeling depressed and isolated. At first glance, dodging communication may feel like a positive coping mechanism when actually, staying silent may bring about hurt and loneliness.

Take time to list your positive and negative coping mechanisms. Then identify the “good” you’re hoping to find as a result of your behavior.

Review the behaviors you listed. What needs are fulfilled with each one? If you cope with loss by taking a walk, consider how that helps you. Likely, walking helps you feel positively about yourself and gives you space to contemplate your desires, and walking outside helps you connect to God and others you may pass by, which can meet some relational needs also. Are the behaviors making you happy, building joy?

Many positive coping mechanisms involve facing the loss, while most of the negative behaviors are avoidant in nature. There are many other behaviors, some of which could be positive or negative. For example, working could be a positive coping mechanism if you are in a solid mental state. But if you lost your spouse last night, today is not a day to go to work. Doing so would likely be a negative coping mechanism. The answer to whether the action is a positive or negative coping mechanism lies in the reasoning for the behavior.

Pray about your behavior, asking God to meet your needs and provide understanding about your attempts to care for yourself. Pray about each positive and negative coping tool. Invite God into your mental space, asking Him to show you areas where you may be living in a negative space. Look for a correlation between days when you’re in a positive space and days when you choose positive coping mechanisms.

God wants to walk alongside us, and He will reveal new methods we can try to meet our needs. In time, He may even help us understand our behavior in new ways.

Let's pray.

God,

Help me understand my behavior and the ways I tend to take matters into my own hands rather than come to You for guidance. You meet my needs better than anyone else. I run to You for help.

Amen.

Journal:

Take time to list your positive and negative coping mechanisms. Then identify the “good” you’re hoping to find because of your behavior. What new, positive coping mechanisms can you add to your list?