Lent Guide 2023Sample

Thursday – Skills of connection

Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you…

Romans 15:7

For connection to happen, I must make contact and establish a space where both I and the other party feel seen, heard, felt, and accepted. This means that I…

·…must be present. Being present means in the first place that I am not busy with other things in my head. I give you all my attention. I am conscious of my own presence. I am aware of my emotions (fear, anger, etc.), my desires (e.g. what I want from you), and my own body (fatigue) or any other sensation. It’s a wide and open consciousness. I don’t think about everything, because then I’m no longer present for you.

·…see you and listen to you. I don’t interrupt you and I don’t hijack your story by saying, ‘exactly the same thing happened to me’ or ‘something much worse happened to me’. Eye contact and appropriate touch improve the connection. To really see and hear is rare. It takes practice and time. If you have experienced it, you will remember it, recognise it. John the apostle was 90 when he wrote about the first time Jesus saw him and spoke to him (John 1:40). He remembers the place and that it was four o’clock in the afternoon. He was only 16 at the time.

·…accept you. I am not there to save you, to change you, or to fix you. It can be one of the most difficult tasks to accept someone who is not like you. Ask anyone who is married and went through that phase of being in love, where the ego boundaries disappeared, and the couple felt like they were one and loved each other unconditionally. Paul gives the instruction… Accept each other… as Christ has accepted you (Rom 15:7).

You are invited to think about a deep connection you experienced and note how these skills were present. Which skills would you like to use to strengthen connections, and what would you have to do to achieve this?

Grace:

Lord, I ask for the grace of connection and dialogue in my relationships.