Marriage Goals - Winning in CommunicationSample

Affirmation- See + Speak the Good

If someone were to weigh our words on a balancing scale each day; placing the negative words on one side and positive ones on the other, which side would it lean towards? I’ve often seen this picture in my mind when I consider if I'm in a pattern of building my spouse up or tearing them down more. The truth is, most of us find it all too easy to point out the bad and so often overlook or under-appreciate the good.

Do you want to feel valued? Do you want your husband or wife to notice how hard you are working, the dinner you made, or the extra effort you put into taking care of all the arrangements for vacation? Every one of us has a longing for acknowledgment, encouragement, validation, and recognition. We all want to hear things like, “thank you, great job, you're amazing, you're incredible, I'm so grateful for you…”

Matthew 7:12 reminds us that whatever we would want someone to do for us, we should do for them.

Can we take a moment to be honest, and ask ourselves how often we express love and gratitude to our spouse? Are they feeling like a punching bag who never lives up to our expectations? Do they know how much you like and appreciate them?

No matter how long you’ve been married, this is an area we can always seek to improve.

Daily Action Step: Check out these ideas and suggestions to help spur on seeing + speaking the good.

• Write out a list of 10 things you like about your spouse and hide it somewhere for them to find.
• Make it a practice to welcome them home with a big hug or kiss (or both) daily.
• Be intentional to thank them regularly for the everyday stuff. (dinner, laundry, mowing the lawn, taking kids to practice, working late to provide, taking out the trash…I think you get the picture)
• Flirt verbally. Show your physical and emotional interest in them in creative ways that make them feel pursued. Make it a point to describe why you are attracted to them.
• Notice + affirm when they make an effort in an area in which you have asked them to ‘try’ harder at.
• Leave love notes, surprise them with a date night, compliment and thank them in front of others.

Some of you are really struggling to see and celebrate your spouse right now, and believe me…we get it. There are times it flat takes work to look beyond the letdowns and clean off our tainted lenses to see the good again. I promise you, the good is there. Don't give up on them.

Practical Tip: I challenge you to not only ask God to allow you to see them through His eyes again, but also to speak out what you want to see in them in a prophetic way. Start declaring victory over them now, remembering our God can change any heart and redeem any situation. Believe it.