Marriage Goals - Winning in CommunicationSample

Body Language

Did you see the look she just gave you? Did he seriously just walk out of the room? Oh. No. They. Didn’t.

If you’ve been married for more than a minute you know exactly what I’m talking about. Body language says so much more than the words coming out of our mouths. It's like when someone says, “I’m fine….” while everything about the way they are acting is screaming "I'm so not fine.”

Did you know that 60% of communication is not spoken but shown through our body language? This means what we are communicating through our facial expressions, hand gestures, eye contact, etc. is actually expressing more to our spouse than what we are saying to them. I honestly think this aspect of communication is not taken seriously enough. Part of the reason why people have so much trouble getting through to each other is that we are constantly sending mixed messages.

Practical Tip: The next time your spouse is questioning the sincerity of what you're saying, allow them to share with you why they are feeling this way and ask if it has anything to do with how you are physically expressing yourself or coming across.

Here are a few practical things to consider if you want to grow in non-verbal communication:

• Looking your spouse in the eyes shows you are attentive, you care, and what they have to say matters to you. Looking at your phone or in any other direction demonstrates the opposite.
• Crossing your arms, shaking your head, and rolling your eyes show that you are closed off to what they are feeling and you are uninterested in hearing their perspective.
• Walking out of the room or interrupting while someone is talking often shows that you are not willing to hear or discuss something. It communicates that what you have to say or do is more important and it expresses a lack of respect, care, and consideration.

Much of what it takes to develop a deep and enjoyable relationship with your husband or wife will come as a result of healthy communication. When we choose to surrender our will and allow the Holy Spirit to guide us, our body language can add a greater level of sincerity to our conversations.

Daily Action Step: Write out and memorize Galatians 5:22. Consider how you come across if your non-verbal cues were the only thing they ‘heard?' Keep this in mind this week: when we choose to practice self-control, gentleness, kindness, goodness, patience and the rest of the ‘fruits of the Spirit,’ it will lead us to life-giving results in our communication.