When a Couple Loses a Baby: a Man's PerspectiveSample

Struggle # 2: I felt hopeful for the future and then suddenly so disappointed.

When you found out you were a father, you likely began thinking about the future. Perhaps you felt a bit overwhelmed about money, worrying that your home may be too small or that you may need a new vehicle to accommodate the little one, or maybe you focused on the exciting ways your life would change. Did you visualize yourself teaching your child the Bible during family devotions or to play a sport or instrument?

The reality is that our child was going to live in our home, we were going to introduce him to his brothers, and we would have taught him to walk and to ride a bike. After our loss, those thoughts continued. I pondered, Would he have liked soccer like his older brothers?

I wasn’t alone. My family experienced hope and disappointment also. It was so painful to look my boys in the eyes and tell them what happened to their sibling. It was overwhelming to see them hurt. When we shared the news that we were expecting, they hoped. They had even guarded their heart a little after the first loss, quietly whispering that they prayed this baby would make it.

As you process your hopes and disappointments, I challenge you to take them to God. Bring Him into your disappointments so He can align your heart to His. Acknowledge what you hoped for. State why you’re disappointed. Continue putting your faith in Him. As you lean in to your hurts rather than denying them, bringing them to God, He will shift your mindset (Rom. 12:2). Even in our disappointment, God is worthy. If our barns (or cribs) are empty, let’s continue worshiping Him.

God,

Show me how to hope again; I give my life to You. Heal my heart and mind.

Amen.