Loneliness & the Single Mom: By Jennifer MaggioSample

Forgiveness always frees.

It was Christmas Day and my first Christmas alone. Well, I guess I wasn’t alone. I had my 13-month-old with me. It was the darkest of days. I woke up to the inevitable–no money, no family, and a baby who toddled around, not knowing the difference. I cried for most of the day. I eventually went to a friend’s home for a couple of hours, but I ultimately finished the day on the sofa in tears alone. Perhaps one of the biggest struggles for any single parent is loneliness. It is easy to compare families who are shopping together on weekends or strolling their precious newborn on a bright Sunday afternoon. It is easy to imagine our lives much different than they are, hence feeding the sting of loneliness.

We’ve talked about analyzing our insecurities and taking our thought-life captive to effectively battle loneliness, but the truth is, there are times when people are simply mean. They are hurt, and they hurt us. They are functioning through their own dysfunction. Or they simply do not care who they hurt. We didn’t get included or get the invitation to the party because the mean girls were just that–mean.

Step 3 to overcoming loneliness as a single mom: Forgive!

We are called to forgive. Forgive when they are sorry. Forgive when they aren’t. Forgive when they know what they did to hurt you, and when they didn’t. Forgive when they were spiteful and vengeful and exclusive.

You cannot be a forty-year-old mother of three, working a full-time job, and juggling carpool and dirty clothes, and still festering over a girl in middle school who bullied you. You don’t have the time or energy to walk in unforgiveness. Forgive her. Forgive the Sunday school teacher, the coach, the friend, the mother, the ex-husband who abandoned you, and the pastor who overlooked you. Harboring unforgiveness inhibits our ability to forge healthy new relationships. As we foster feelings of anger and bitterness and meditate on what our offender did or said, we often miss opportunities to make new friendships. Unforgiveness becomes a distraction.

Forgiveness can be hard, no doubt. Maybe you find yourself in a season you never expected to be in. Maybe there was a terrible, life-altering divorce or the loss of a spouse to cancer, or the death of a relationship you thought would last forever. You may even find yourself angry with the life you have today. It doesn’t seem fair. Surely, your children don’t deserve to be raised with only one parent in the home. Allow yourself to evaluate any lingering feelings of unforgiveness, and then, learn to forgive. Forgive yourself where you may have failed. Forgive your ex who treated you poorly. Forgive your children when they’ve fallen short. Forgive those who didn’t know what to say during the divorce. Learn to forgive freely and often. It is a critical component of your life journey and invaluable in overcoming loneliness.

Ask the Lord to make you tenderhearted towards those who have hurt you. Often, we have no idea what others are experiencing that resulted in their behavior towards us. Maybe abuse exists in their home or their past. Maybe a father abandoned the family in their youth. Maybe the death of a loved one left a gaping heart wound that hasn’t healed. We simply do not have any idea what people are facing.

Forgiveness is the cornerstone to life-giving and effective friendships. It surely is the cornerstone of our life-giving relationship with our Heavenly Father who so freely forgives us. As you ask the Lord to reveal pockets of unforgiveness in your heart and you work through the forgiveness process, you will find that making new friends will become easier.

Points to Ponder:

• Inventory your heart. Are you harboring offense and unforgiveness?