The Joy ModelSample

The opposite of not having enough time for our families is that we spend too much time doting on them—or too much money spoiling them. This is especially true with our children. Making our kids the center of our lives sends the signal to them that life is all about them.

The message we are unintentionally searing into their brains is that parents are supposed to work hard and then use the rest of their time and money treating their kids like royalty. If we continue down this path, they’ll never witness true Christian living where we care for our families and serve others outside of our families.

This problem is rampant in our culture in general. I read of a superintendent of schools who was nominated as Public Education Administrator of the Year in his state. He had the honor of addressing his peers in an auditorium at the largest high school in the state.

Before he took the stage, he had to go to the bathroom. Above the mirrors was a giant sign that said, “You are looking at a very special person.” At that moment, he tossed his prepared speech in the wastebasket and changed his presentation. He made the case to change that mantra above the mirror to “What nice thing have you done for someone today?”

Healthy self-esteem is valuable, but chronic self-centeredness is toxic.

It’s all about discernment—knowing the subtle difference between nurturing your children and spoiling them. Or the difference between modeling service outside of the family and neglecting your family. I encourage you to frequently get real honest with yourself and do a personal assessment regarding this balancing act. Then have the courage to make the necessary adjustments.

Our relationships extend beyond our families, of course. What about our friends and coworkers in our social circles? Are we making time for those people? If so, are we making time because we want something from them or because of what we can give to them? Selfless or selfish?

The angst we experience from broken relationships can sometimes be traced to the lack of time invested in those relationships. Other times it can be traced to wrong motives and attitudes toward those relationships. Some folks have a disastrous habit of using people and loving things—instead of the other way around.

Where is your heart?