More Beauty Less MessSample

“I’m not you!” I screamed in my mind. “I don’t think like that, and I don’t act like that. I just want to be okay with being who I am, and I want you to be okay with it, too.” I was comparing myself with my mom once again, and it was exhausting. I love her so much, but I’m not her and I can’t be her, so why do I beat both of us up with comparison?

The relationship we have with our moms (and daughters) is probably one of the most challenging relationships in our lives – one that is muddled with tears, laughter, hurt, and love. It’s ever changing and constant at the same time. Both mom and daughter are uniquely and wonderfully made, and both have their own distinctive strengths and struggles. This connection is threatened by comparison probably more than any other, and probably shapes our identity more than we realize.

Questions like, “Why is she always judging me?” “Why does she act like that?” “Why can’t she just accept me for me?” are the first signs of a relationship under attack. These thoughts stem from the curse of comparison and carry the weight of prejudgments and misconceptions. They form cracks in our relationship and our identity.

We can counter this attack by focusing on simple truths. “I am not my mother/daughter and my mother/daughter is not me.” “I am loved and accepted by the Father just as I am, because of Christ’s love for us.”  Thinking this way helps us to love and accept each other, just as Paul, the author of today’s passage, encourages us to do.

Paul wrote, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace,” (Ephesians 4:2-3). Learning who we are in Christ is a lifelong process, and we are all students with little room for comparison!

I cannot look at my daughter or my mother and wish she was more like me or I was less like her. We’re not meant to reflect each other – we’re all meant to reflect Christ! Acceptance of this truth breaks the curse of comparison and replaces it with blessing!

I am not my mother/daughter and my mother/daughter is not me. We are different, but we are also the same. We are both daughters of the King doing our best to reflect the love of Christ in all things.

Do you ever find it difficult to just be yourself? Have there been times when you’ve felt judged or unaccepted? How can/does accepting your identity in Christ help you during those times?

~Kimi Miller