Bulletproofing Versus Bullet Proof

Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NKJV)

Back in my rookie days I confused bulletproofing my first marriage with being bulletproof. Yeah, I was all into policing and about as deep blue as you could get. The job meant everything to me, and my marriage was primarily there to support me and get me back out on duty.

I’d come home, unload the junk from that shift on her, and then I’d head right back to work, the gym or to hang out with my brothers in blue. I had no clue she was suffering. She had no outlet for processing the drama bullets I just fired her way. I assumed if I was happy at work, she was happy in marriage. I was very wrong.

Bulletproofing your marriage is a team effort. If one is hurting, you both are hurting. Unless you’re both working similar jobs, there is an equity offset that usually manifests itself in the one-sided focus on healing. Both of you share the burden no matter what’s going on.

Being in a 2-as-1 relationship means sharing the load no matter how heavy. You’re both independently powerful, but together you are invincible to outside marital threats. Both of you must wear the Kevlar in this marriage, and that’s built through focusing on each other’s needs.

CALL TO ACTION:

The next time you bring work home and share it with your spouse, stop and ask them how they feel about what you just shared. 

Without giving them equal or greater time to talk about it, you are dumping the weight of your burdens on your spouse and then moving along without helping to shoulder what it is that you created. 

Share – listen – respond – listen more – respond – listen even more – both are satisfied that all information was delivered clearly, understood accurately, and processed fully.