Aftershock - Take Care of YourselfSample

Stop clinging. 

“She’s a clinging vine” is an uncomfortable and perhaps even offensive phrase used to describe a wife who has trouble standing on her own two feet. However you feel about it, it’s not a positive image.

A clinging wife is a bit like a toddler clutching a security blanket. Just as the toddler needs the blanket, so the wife can’t function without her husband. At least that’s how she feels about it. She needs him to be near her and assure her that he won’t leave her alone. She needs to stay married to him no matter what. He is her sole security blanket. Clinging is a psychological response based on fear. That fear may be connected to anxiety about doing what is perceived to be “right.” Women cling because they’re afraid that it isn’t right to nag, confront, or challenge their husbands. They believe that a good Christian wife never puts her own needs first, and she certainly doesn’t contemplate separation or divorce. Fear of financial insolvency can also drive women to cling to the false security of a marriage at all costs. But there’s no amount of money that can recompense you for the anguish you’re enduring right now. It’s important here not to leap to the conclusion that if you give up clinging, it will automatically lead to divorce. In fact, just the opposite is true. Clinging plays a role in allowing the problem of your husband’s pornography to stay the same and eat away at you and contributes to the deterioration of your marriage. In psychological terms, it’s a form of enablement.

Conversely, confronting your husband, speaking the truth in love, and precipitating some kind of crisis can provide just the impetus that’s needed to turn things around. In short, the skill you need to develop is self-respect. You are a beloved daughter of God. Your security is grounded in what God says, not what your husband, your culture, your own thoughts, or your childhood memories keep telling you. So make it your aim to respond to your husband as an adult partner—not a clinging vine but a mature woman – committed to improving your marriage in new ways.

Next, we’ll look at step seven to self-care: balance.