How to Listen So Your Kids Will TalkSample

 Listen to Help Them Find Their Feelings

Parenting can be a bit like detective work. There are times when you feel completely confused by your kids. They might seem distant and withdrawn after school. You ask a question about how school went and receive a one-word answer: “Fine.” Or your child seems anxious, but you don’t have a clue why. That’s when you lean into the Holy Spirit and do a little detective work, starting by listening to get them talking. How do you get them talking? 

Proverbs 20:5 says, “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out” (niv). We could paraphrase that as, “The purposes of a child’s heart are deep waters, but a parent of insight untangles the mess and draws them out.” How do we draw our kids out? By asking good questions and listening to their answers. Here’s the thing: Kids are often confused about their own feelings. Everything might feel tangled inside them. When you gently ask questions and offer suggestions of what they might be feeling, allowing them to correct you if you’re wrong, you help untangle the mess. 

Great questions can help clarify a person’s thinking. Put a little effort into asking your child questions. Don’t make her feel interrogated, but do invite her to tell you more. 

Pause and Reflect: When you feel confused about your child’s emotions, what do you most often do? What could you do in the future?

Action Step: Plan out three great questions to ask your child today to get him talking and to help him find his feelings. (If you’re unsure about what to ask, Google “good questions to ask your kids.”)

Pray: Lord, at times I feel completely confused by my children. I want to understand their feelings, but honestly, I’m at a loss. Lord God, you are the God of all wisdom. I ask that you would fill me with wisdom today as I parent. When I feel confused, help me to look to you first for wisdom and then help me to ask a few great questions that will draw out my children’s hearts. 

“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.”—Proverbs 20:5 (niv)