How to Listen So Your Kids Will TalkSample

 The Power of Being Present

We are distracted parents, pulled in a thousand different directions. The constant barrage of emails, news reports, social media posts, and daily tasks leaves our minds overwhelmed. Social scientists have created a new term, technoference, for the impact media is having on the relationships between parents and children. Here’s the problem: All of this is leaving many parents too distracted to listen. If you doubt me, look around the next time you’re at the park with your kids. Notice how many parents are on their phones. 

The wise writer of Proverbs wrote, “Pay attention and gain understanding” (Proverbs 4:1 niv). The truth is, if you are not attentive to your child, you won’t understand him or foster deep connection. In order to build deep bonds that will last into adulthood, your child needs to feel deeply connected to you now. The way to build that connection is by being present and attentive when you’re listening to your child. But how do we do this in our present culture?

Start by setting limits on media—for you and your child. Make it a priority to enjoy dinner together. During dinner ask questions that will help you understand your child. Questions like “What was the best part of your day today?” or “When did you feel like a superhero today?” or “When did you feel sad today?” will help you stay focused on your child’s heart. As you turn off media and tune in to your child, she will feel loved by your undistracted presence. 

Pause and Reflect: When was the last time you offered your full, undistracted presence to your child?

Action Step: Spend twenty minutes fully present to your child today. Don’t take any phone calls or check email or social media. Focus completely on your child.

Pray: Father God, I praise you that you are always fully attentive to me. I praise you that before I cry out to you in prayer, you are completely tuned in. Today I pray that you will give me the grace to be fully attentive and present to my child. Help me to set healthy limits around distractions so that I can listen more attentively.

“Pay attention and gain understanding.”—Proverbs 4:1 (niv)