Imperfect ParentingSample

Letting Go 

We can find hope and inspiration from parents who’ve gone before us. We receive hope and encouragement when the road gets difficult. And when we feel like we can’t go on, our Heavenly Father is saying, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV). So, when we’re at our weakest is when His power works best. 

One of the more challenging seasons of parenting is when our kids become preteens and continue into their teenage years. It’s in this season that we can see a change in attitude and feel them pulling away from us. But, they’re doing exactly what has to happen for them to become healthy, responsible, independent adults. So, what’s one thing we can do? Let them. 

Let them choose and build this muscle of making choices and experiencing consequences. If your 10-year old wants to spend his allowance on candy and has no money left for the week, let him. It won’t matter in the grand scheme of things, but it’ll teach him a lesson in the process. 

Let them ask questions about their faith. All kids have them. They ask because they want answers. Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know.” And also don’t be afraid to try and find out. But mostly, just listen. Remember, we’re also trying to become students of our children and what makes them tick.

Let them fail and learn the lessons. This will be one of the more challenging things for you as a parent. You have life experience and see ahead what consequences could come from their choices. But, how will they learn if you constantly control the outcome? Maybe their summer job requires them to be at work at 6:00am. A few days of oversleeping and dealing with the consequences will help them learn a valuable lesson.

Letting go doesn’t mean you give up, nor does it mean you don’t intervene. There’s a time for that, even in the lives of our adult children. Before you do, ask yourself this question, “Is the potential outcome for this something that would be hard to recover from?” If the answer is no, then keep your opinions to yourself. If the answer is yes, then decline your child’s request or respectfully say something to your adult children. 

The bottom line in all of this is that from the moment we become parents, we have to begin the process of letting go. And it is a process. It goes against everything in us because we want to protect and shield them from struggle. But, our motto as parents should be, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13 NIV). It's often the struggle that brings about an amazing product. Both in us, and in our kids.