Imperfect ParentingSample

The Value of Consequences 

When we hold our child in our arms for the first time, we are in complete awe because they appear perfect. As time passes, they grow into toddlers, who turn into children, who eventually become teenagers. And it won’t take very long for us to realize that our “perfect” infant has a mind of their own. We become very aware of their sinful nature and just aren’t sure how to handle it.

When our children mess up, the most important thing we can do is to make sure they know we love them. And the next thing is to give them the gift of consequences. Few of us like them, but all of us need them.  Let’s consider these things when it comes to giving consequences to our children:

The Need
Galatians 6:8 says, “Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction…” When our children choose poorly, the best way for our children to learn a lesson and grow in wisdom is to experience consequences. There’s such value in growing through the pain of consequences, which could deter them from more detrimental choices in their future. There’s an opportunity for us to explain what grace is by letting them off the hook. But, those instances should be rare. 

The Appropriateness
The question, “Does the punishment fit the crime?” is something we have to consider when handing out consequences to our children. We don’t want to give too little or give too much. If our child tells a lie and we ground them for a month, the consequence is not only too extreme, but may not be the best option. On the other hand, if our kid starts a fight at school and we take away video games for a day, they probably won’t learn the lesson. It’s wise to choose the best consequence that will help our children not repeat the action.

The Length 
When our children choose poorly, we often overreact and ground them for an extended period of time. The length of time we give a consequence to our children should depend on their age. And even with teenagers, it’s wise to keep the length rather short. We do this because all children need the opportunity to try to do it right again. 

Giving consequences to our children when they’re truly remorseful is difficult. But, we have to consider their future self and not just their present self. Galatians 6:9 says, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” We can’t just parent for the convenience of the moment but must stay strong by training them to be respectful, responsible, and independent adults. When we avoid giving consequences, we’re crippling their success as adults.