Marriage That WorksSample

Loving Your Husband Sacrificially

We cannot point to any era in the past and say that was when things were done right. What we can do is point to Scripture and say that it contains the key to understanding how God created us as men and women, and that His plan for women is far better than any definition society has given us in the past. 

After Paul’s words on marriage and the responsibilities of the husband, he concludes the passage in Ephesians 5 with the wife’s response to her husband’s selfless love: “The wife must see to it that she respects her husband” (v. 33). The Greek word for “respect” in this verse comes from the root word “phobos,” from which we get our word “phobia,” but it doesn’t have the same connotation. It means reverence, not fear. 

Many women do not realize how deeply men need to feel honored and respected. A man feels loved when he is encouraged—when his wife steps into his life and communicates by words and actions, “I believe in you.” When she willingly supports and encourages his leadership, she is making a profound statement that will resonate deeply in his heart. She is acknowledging the position God has put him in and respecting his God-given role. 

When a man loses the respect of his wife, he will shut down, be passive-aggressive, bury himself in his fantasy teams or his work, and have no idea what’s going on in the hearts of his wife and children. It is devastating for a man not to be honored and respected. 

The fear of failure is one of the greatest fears every man secretly lives with. That’s one reason men are such experts at overcompensating. We focus on the things we know we can be good at, like our work or sports or hobbies. We know what we are doing there. 

Women often respond to a man’s insecurity by taking the reins of the family and trying to control their husbands and children. This ultimately sabotages the marriage. When God instructs wives to submit, it’s not because the husband is inherently better or more important, nor is it because he is necessarily more capable or qualified. A wife’s  submission to her husband builds him up and empowers him to lead. 

In what ways does a wife’s role meet her husband’s needs? What can a husband do to create a safe environment for his wife to fulfill her role?