Marriage That WorksSample

Marriage: Contract or Covenant

From outward appearances and many people’s experiences, it often looks like the costs of marriage outweigh the benefits. Many people give up before they get to the payoff. From God’s perspective—and ours, if we will trust Him and align ourselves with His truth—the benefits far outweigh the costs, and we will enjoy those benefits if we embrace the true nature of the marriage covenant. 

I believe one of the greatest determiners of marital fulfillment—and one of the greatest predictors of whether you make it through the storms—is the understanding you have going into marriage. Our perspective on marriage is profoundly shaped by our upbringing, our society, and our own expectations—and it is rarely spoken or acknowledged. 

That perspective or assumption is this: Do you see marriage as a contract or a covenant? Today, marriage is viewed primarily as a contract, a social construct, an agreement we enter into with another person for mutual benefit. By contrast, Scripture defines marriage not as a contract but as a holy covenant. Those words may come across as strange or a little archaic, but your understanding of covenant is what may very well hold your marriage together during the times it may want to unravel. 

A covenant is different from a contract because it is not just an agreement; it is a sacred promise. There may be some conditions written into it—there was a lot of “if you remain faithful” language in God’s covenant with Israel—but if the terms are met, it is unbreakable. It is a solemn agreement with binding force. 

Why is this so important? Because marriage is an impossible task without a permanent commitment. If you go through marriage with an escape clause—knowing in the back of your mind that you can get out if it becomes too difficult—you may not press through to the end. The covenant functions as a glue that keeps you together through the hard times. It becomes a gift, an act of grace that protects you and gives you the freedom and security to cultivate a healthy marriage. 

In your commitment to your marriage and to your spouse, your daily goal should be incremental progress. God will meet you at any point along the way and guide you with loving encouragement, correction, and strength. Bring your willing heart to Him, receive the guidance and power He gives you, and I am confident you will experience the satisfaction and fulfillment He designed you to enjoy. 

Are there any steps you need to take or commitments you need to make to align yourself more completely with God’s design for marriage?