Marriage That WorksSample

Understanding Submission for a Woman

Men are in charge, and women are supposed to submit to them. It’s an age-old stereotype, isn’t it? Some have claimed this as Christian teaching. That is wrong. As we are learning, it is really a distortion of what the Bible says. It’s an abuse of Christian truth that ignores context and focuses on only a few isolated, misinterpreted phrases. Men and societies with an inflated sense of patriarchy have for centuries exploited Scripture to control women. 

The truth is that mutual submission is the background of our entire discussion of male and female roles. Both men and women look to God to say, “I’m going to submit to you and do life your way, according to your Word.” Then they turn to each other and say, “I’m going to seek your needs and your well-being above my own.” 

Marriage is never about establishing your own rights or telling your mate what he or she is supposed to do. God’s words to men are directed toward men, not toward women to use as a weapon against their men; and God’s words to women are directed toward women, not toward men to use as a weapon against their women. When each person takes the words directed specifically at them to heart, beautiful things happen. When we cross lines and direct those words at each other, we stir up conflict. 

The questions to ask your spouse are, “How can I make you more successful? How can I love you more deeply? How can I serve you well?” Those questions fit under the umbrella of mutual submission. We are given a vivid picture of it in Philippians 2:3–4: Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

This teaching is written to all members of the church at Philippi. In Christian thought, submission is not an exception or for one group of people; it is the norm. In fact, the following verses (Phil. 2:5–8) command us to have this other-centered attitude toward everyone just as Christ did. We, like Jesus, are to take up the role of servant, and applying this to the marriage relationship should not be surprising at all. 

The faith needed to submit to one another releases a powerful work of the Holy Spirit in our marriages. What is hardest for you to trust God with by submitting to your spouse?