Connection KillersSample

Day 4: Shame

The difference between shame and blame is “You did” becomes “You are” as the disconnection becomes internalized. You dropped the ball (blame) because you are clumsy (shame). Shame is a dangerous disconnection agent that can create addictions, depression, anxiety, or worse as we try to cope with the feelings of something being wrong with us. Shame can also manifest as overachieving, dominance, and pride as we attempt to prove to the world that everything is right with us. So beware of shaming others with negative “You are” statements or implications. 

Several things, usually from our childhood, can create this shame monster that triggers our actions throughout life. Criticism, stereotypes, prejudice, judgment, abuse, and comparison can all lead to a negative self-image. Comparison is the emerging shame leader thanks to social media. We often enviously compare our real-life bloopers to others’ filtered highlights that we see on our Instagram feeds. What used to be just some unrealistic magazine and Hollywood images are now constant bombardments of social media posts telling us that we don’t measure up. 

Shame can be overcome with empathy, understanding, and acceptance, especially in the face of vulnerability. If someone is brave enough to open up to you, you can connect with empathy or disconnect with shame. And we can open up to ourselves. Think about what your shame triggers are and challenge your inner critic. You can defeat your own shame with positive self-talk. 

Remember, God has plans for you and created you for a purpose. There are no cosmic mistakes and definitely no wasted souls. The enemy wants to put you on the sidelines with feelings of self-doubt and not measuring up. But you have a spiritual gift and can make a real difference in a relationship, a community, or the world. Practice forgiveness, self-compassion, acceptance, love, kindness, and openness to shamelessly fulfill your potential.

Pray: 

God, help us have the courage to bring our shame issues into light with the right people to listen so that we can defeat shame as we build one another up by nurturing self-worth.