10 Steps For Dealing With AngerSample

Step 10 — Set Emotional Goals in Key Relationships

Relationships. We all have them. Some are great, some are strained, and some are just not working at all — no matter how hard we try. What do we do when dealing with the key relationships in our lives? A good place to start is to talk about your relationships. You don’t need to overanalyze them to the point of stifling normal, open communication and interaction. But you also shouldn’t neglect talking with those closest to you about your feelings, hopes, dreams, and desires. And you certainly should spend some time learning about theirs. Find a happy balance.

Spend quality time alone with your spouse, each of your children, and your close friends. Point out positive aspects of the other person’s character, attitude, and personality. Reflect on what your relationship has meant to you through the years. Talk about ways you can strengthen your marriage, your parent-child relationship, or your friendship. Express your desire to see your key relationships grow stronger.

Ask the person, “How can I pray for you?” and find opportunities to pray together. You can learn a tremendous amount about someone by listening to how he or she prays.

A man once said to me, “I get the barometric pressure reading on my marriage when I hear my wife pray for me. And I thought I was the only one taking stock of what was being said. Then one day she told me, ‘I know how you’re feeling about me by the things you ask God to help me do.’ From that moment on, I began paying attention not only to what my wife was saying but to what I was saying as we prayed together. I gained major insights not only into our relationship but into my own motives and desires.”

I’m thoroughly convinced that two people intentionally can decide that they are not going to be angry with each other. Certain safeguards and benchmarks can be put into place to stop a discussion from escalating into an argument. On the other hand, if no intentional decision is made, anger will continue to manifest itself. Never assume that all anger will dissipate just because you love each other. Some of the fiercest and most angry tirades occur between people who claim to be in love.

When discussing your relationship with another person, talk about what you can do to help each other confront painful or difficult situations without resorting to anger, bitterness, or resentment. One of the best things you can do to control your own anger is to remain flexible and have a sense of humor about your own faults and flaws.

Learn how to determine what is truly important in life and what’s not. Things that are urgent are not necessarily important. Don’t get bogged down in trivial things that pull you away from God and His best for your life.

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