How to Support Your Spouse Through A Custody BattleSample

Be Unoffendable

If you are anything like me, then choosing not to take things personally can seem like a daunting task. In a society in which we constantly seek approval and are often taught that the approval of others defines us, it is easy to fall into the trap of becoming offended.

This has happened to me on many occasions with Rachel.

During her custody battle she once said to me, “I am the one they will hold responsible, not you.” 

Let me tell you, I instantly became offended!

Why? Because I was thinking about myself and my feelings. I had failed to take into consideration the fact that in the past, when she had felt that a particular request by her ex was unreasonable based on the parenting agreement, the magistrate had responded, “Well, yeah, it reads that way, but what’s the harm in giving him what he wants?” Even after showing numerous times how she had been flexible with her ex’s requests and seemed to be the only one following the agreement, in the few times someone felt she wasn’t being flexible, it was frowned upon.

My failure to see things from a selfless perspective caused me to take her statement as a personal attack or to feel that she was isolating me from the custody battle. In my mind, I was as much involved in the battle as she was financially, emotionally, physically, and mentally, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth.

The truth is, she was overwhelmed, and I wasn’t. She dreaded going to court and being in a room of individuals where she felt alone and attacked. I was unable to go into the courtroom or magistrate’s chamber with her. Her ex’s attorney couldn’t care less about me and only wanted to speak with Rachel. My opinion was not considered by others involved in the case in most circumstances. My wife was carrying most of the burden herself.

How can we not take things personally when supporting our spouse through their custody battle?

We can consider why our spouse may have spoken a particular way.

We can also be proactive rather than reactive. 

These simple steps will not only set us up for fewer personal offenses during the custody process but will also help our spouse feel as if we are supporting them and that we care about even the things we cannot control.

We hope this devotional will be continually helpful on the journey of supporting your spouse through their Custody Battle. For more resources visit Better Than Blended.