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From Wounded to Whole—Making Room for Forgiveness

Sometimes we grossly underestimate the true cost of living with a relational rift. We think we can go about our lives unaffected by conflicts and fractures with people we care about; but this, of course, is far from true. Relational breakdowns extract energy from us. They take up head space and heart space. They hang over us like a dark, gray cloud.

I know a guy who, for whatever reason, has a pattern of broken relationships in his life. When a misunderstanding happens or someone is wounded, he makes little or no attempt to set things right. “It takes too much time and energy,” he says. “I just move on.” And he leaves a path of desolation in his wake.

If this guy were to tally the number of hours it has cost him over the years to avoid dealing with the relational wounds that have come his way (not to mention those he has dished out), he would find the opposite is true. It is much more time-efficient—and brings much greater peace of mind and satisfaction with life—to heal a relational rift rather than let it linger or avoid it altogether. We cannot live simplified lives without attending to broken relationships.

No one understood the cost of broken relationships better than Jesus. In fact, in one of His final prayers, as He hung dying on the cross, Jesus offered words of reconciliation to the very people who had unjustly accused and convicted Him—the people who were killing Him: “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (ESV).

For you and me, the power to forgive others starts when we experience the forgiveness of our own sins through the Cross of Christ and the transforming grace of God. When we have an accurate understanding of our own shortcomings before a holy God, it empowers us to choose radical forgiveness too.

Question for reflection: Consider one of your own relationships that has suffered a rift. How has any resulting resentment complicated your life, and how might forgiveness simplify it?