A Simple Guide to a Better Marriageਨਮੂਨਾ

The Art of Apologizing

Apologizing is the first step in finding forgiveness. Yet, some of us were taught not to apologize. I remember the young man who remarked, “My father said, ‘Real men don’t apologize.’” I said to him, “Your father was probably a good man, but he got some bad information.” The reality is real men must apologize if we are to have good marriages. The same is true of real women.

Part of our problem is that we have different ideas as to what it means to apologize. Most of us learn to apologize from our parents.

Thousands of people were asked two questions: (1) When you apologize, what do you typically say or do? (2) When someone apologizes to you, what do you want to hear them say or do? Their answers fell into five categories. Briefly, here are the five apology languages.

1. Expressing Regret—“I’m sorry.” However, these two words should never be spoken alone. Tell the person what you are sorry for. Another important factor—never put the word “but” after you say, “I’m sorry.”

2. Accepting Responsibility—“I was wrong and should not have done that,” or “No excuse for that, I accept full responsibility.” For some people, this is what it means to apologize.

3. Offering to Make Restitution—“What can I do to make things right?” or “What can I do to make it easier for you to forgive me?”

4. Expressing the Desire to Change—“I don’t like what I just did. I know I did the same thing last month, and I don’t want to continue doing this. Will you help me come up with a plan so that I can break this habit?”

5. Requesting Forgiveness—“Will you please forgive me?” or “I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.” or “I value our relationship and I hope that you will forgive me.”

Once the two of you discover each other’s apology language, I encourage you to think before you apologize and seek to communicate your apology in a language that is meaningful to the other person. You will make it much easier for them to forgive you.

Forgiveness is the godly response to a sincere apology. Forgiveness means that we lift the penalty and show mercy instead of demanding justice. Because we have been forgiven by God, we extend forgiveness.

Respond

For what do you need to apologize to your spouse? Why not do it today? Use all five apology languages, if necessary, but make every effort to communicate that you sincerely apologize. I predict that you will be greeted with genuine forgiveness.