Godly Dating 101 Discovering the Truth About Relationships in a World That Constantly LiesSample

A Foundation for True Love

I (Safa) love to build things. I find it therapeutic. I love putting things together and seeing the stability that comes from random pieces forming one unit that can hold the weight of whatever I want to place on top of it.

When it comes to dating, many of us have been enticed by the beauty of someone on our arms. It feels good to have the “arm candy” or a “knight in shining armor” who we want to bring out in public with us. We enjoy getting our “likes” on social media with this amazing person. We want to show everyone a man or woman we can start a future with—build generational wealth, raise a family, travel the world, and enjoy one another’s company. In our pursuit of these things, many have overlooked the most important aspect of a person: the foundation. We’ve found ourselves creating relationships that God isn’t a part of and then trying to add Him to the picture later. In Matthew 7:24–25, Jesus said, “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock.” His teaching shows us that problems arise in all of our lives, but those who have Him as their foundation can endure hard times. Starting relationships with a foundation of lust never truly helps us have the relationship God intended for us.

Many believe most marriages end in divorce because people “fall out of love.” I don’t believe that’s always the case. Perhaps some relationships didn’t become bad or lose love along the way, but their foundations were broken from the outset. The starting point showed them many red flags of spiritual instability, but they decided to overlook them and hope they would fade away. Unfortunately, red flags don’t change colors over time alone. Unresolved, unaddressed problems from the outset will turn into the very things that cause the building we are forming to deteriorate. We must ensure that we build a solid foundation in the relationships we create, because our connections are destined for failure if we are building on faulty ground.

In Philippians 4:1, we see Paul admonishing the church to stand firm in their faith. Paul knew it wasn’t enough to say we love God, but we had to be rooted in Christ. Spiritual instability has become an epidemic, because it has become more popular to call ourselves Christian than to actually follow Christ. Paul had to correct the church in Galatia because they were led astray by the wrong influences (Galatians 1:6–10). He told them that anyone who would come and teach them a new gospel that didn’t save them would be accursed, even if the message came from an angel. The church must know that some may seem to benefit our lives, but their motives aren’t pure. In the same way, in some relationships, the person you’re attracted to may seem like an angel, but their purpose is to stop you from being rooted in Christ.

Before Safa and I (Tovares) began courting, we were friends for a few years. When I began seeking God regarding a spouse, I ran into plenty of women I didn’t get God’s approval. I knew I had to find a woman who offered more than her beauty, because looks aren’t enough to help us reach our purpose. Safa and I tried to date a couple of years after high school, but it didn’t go as planned. I ended it in an immature manner, and it’s only by God’s grace that we were able to remain friends. Thankfully, God protected her from my immaturity. A few years later, I began praying for God’s direction because I knew Safa was the woman who didn’t simply capture my eyes but had a solid walk with Jesus outside of me. I knew I desired a relationship with her because she was the woman who could show me an image of what Proverbs 31 describes.

Proverbs 31 speaks about a woman who is of noble character, is a hard worker in her home and community, is generous, is loving, and fears the Lord. Before I met my wife, beauty was all I believed necessary to have a healthy and holy marriage, but the Bible and my wife have shown me that who you connect to truly matters. Being equally yoked allows you to have a spouse who helps you face any storm and trust in God no matter the season.

I often wrongly thought I could overlook that someone I was dating wasn’t firm in their spiritual life. They’d be my “project,” and I’d help guide them and develop them into someone who served Jesus. I have overlooked character flaws because I thought they’d plan to develop a walk with Jesus later, but people are not our projects. They must desire to know Jesus for themselves, not so they can be with you.

When laying the foundation of your relationship, you both must have a foundation that is rooted in Christ. If Jesus is the foundation only on Sundays, you can expect a marriage that only considers God when it’s convenient or when you’re around other believers. Suppose Jesus is truly both of your hearts’ desires, though. In that case, you can expect a marriage that helps both of you serve Him. A marriage with the right foundation allows for a relationship with a biblical focus—a kingdom mindset.

Respond

Is your foundation rooted in Jesus? Explain.

Describe how you keep the relationship God has given you firmly on that foundation.

Prayer

Lord Jesus, You are the foundation of my life. Everything I do, everything I have, and everything I will ever have come from Your goodness. I want to know You more. I want to love You deeper. I want the relationships in my life to reflect my relationship with You! In Jesus’ name.