Aftershock - Can I Trust My Emotions?Sample

Fear and Anxiety

In the opening sentence of A Grief Observed, C. S. Lewis says, “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”

Fear is closely tied to grief. Grieving is about past events – what has already happened. Anxiety is about the future – what might happen.

When your marriage is in trouble, it’s not uncommon to quickly escalate your current situation into a worst-case scenario and become afraid and anxious. What-ifs can plague you:

• What if my husband chooses his secret life over me and refuses to stop using pornography?

• What if he doesn’t love me anymore?

• What if he loves someone else and abandons me and our children?

The list of possible bad outcomes is endless. Fixating on them is of no benefit whatsoever. As the famous preacher, Charles Spurgeon observed, “It has been well said that our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.”

You can counteract anxious fear by focusing on your recovery. One way to accomplish that task is to realize that God cares for you more than you can humanly imagine. He gave us 365 Scripture verses that say, “Fear not,” “Fret not,” and “Do not be anxious.” Admittedly, it’s challenging to replace fear with a hopeful attitude that originates in Christ, but with His help, you can do it.

God also gives us a helpful prescription to keep anxiety at bay: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

Leave your anxiety in God’s care. This is a spiritual exercise. Repeatedly set down your fears and grab hold of the hopeful promises God is offering you. Your practical journaling exercises and the listening ears of your most trusted support-team members are key outlets that can help you identify, evaluate, and release your specific fears and anxieties. Bringing them before God and others will increase your comfort and calm your anxious, fearful heart.

Next, we’ll look at specific action steps for you to take.