Speak Truth in Love

“We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church” (Ephesians 4:15).

There are two extremes we must avoid when it comes to divorce and remarriage. First, we must avoid saying more on this subject than the Bible actually says. In our zeal to condemn divorce, we sometimes condemn those who have been divorced. This is speaking truth without love. We hate the sin and the sinner. Paul tells us in Ephesians 2:16 that the goal of speaking truth is not to destroy each other but to build each other up in the faith. Many divorced people say they are not accepted in their churches. People going through marital challenges feel like lepers who don’t belong in church and are barely tolerated by the rest of the congregation. We must protect spouses or children who are being abused and give grace and healing to those wounded by divorce.

Second, we must also avoid saying less than the Bible actually says. The pendulum has swung to the opposite extreme in many churches. Because we want to respond to hurting people with grace, we have sometimes lowered biblical standards or abandoned them altogether in our desire to reach people. This is love without truth. Paul says that without truth, we are tossed back and forth by every new teaching. In some cases, the church has simply winked at unbiblical divorce because it seems too difficult or too painful to hold Christians to the high standards of God’s Word. As a result, our churches are filled with hurting, confused, and struggling people who want to know what the Bible says and wonder why their questions are never answered.

We must become deeply involved with those whose marriages have failed: the separated, the divorced, those contemplating remarriage, and remarried couples with struggling “blended” families. Without compromising scriptural standards, we must ask: How can we do it in ways that lead to repentance and forgiveness, let people understand the sins and pathologies that destroyed their previous marriages, and help them make the right choices if and when they remarry? As we speak the truth in love, may God use us to break the present generation’s pattern of divorce and church ostracism, transform families, and renew lives.

Reflection

To which of the two extremes do you lean? Prayerfully ask God to show you if you need more truth or more love in your attitude. If it is true, what is one place that you can learn more about the biblical teaching on divorce? If it is love, spend some time thanking God for all the many ways he has forgiven and accepted you. Then ask him to grow that kind of love (his love) in your heart toward your divorced friends and family.