Battle-Weary Parents for Parenting in CrisisParaugs

 DAY EIGHT: Moved With Compassion

I recently traveled back to my hometown in Kentucky to attend the funeral of my Uncle who had passed away suddenly. I spent the majority of my time with my Dad at the funeral home, visiting with friends and family whom I hadn’t seen in twenty-plus years. Most were curious to hear what I had done in life and were surprised to learn that I had seven daughters, six adopted. Responses to our family’s story ranged from, “Wow! You’re doing such an awesome thing!” to “There’s no way I could do that!” and the inevitable, “But don’t they have a lot of issues?” After telling and retelling our story over a two-day period, I developed a pretty good set of standard answers to questions which allowed me to dispel the curiosity, show off a few photos, and move on to another topic quickly. Then, one conversation changed it all. 

Although I was hundreds of miles away from home, there were still some pretty significant things going on. Things were happening I didn’t understand, and honestly, I was grateful to be away for a few days, even if for a funeral. Talking about my family to others who were amazed and encouraging enabled me to focus my thoughts and words on the beauty of our story and forget the mess, if only for a moment. In a very human way, I was convincing myself that things were just as good in reality as my stories made them seem. In truth, things at home were messy and tiring. Five of our seven were back under our roof with 100% of them struggling through major life decisions, transition, and coping with issues of trauma resurfacing in the face of their own uncertainty. I found myself distancing myself from the issues because I didn’t have answers and was overwhelmed with my own stuff. I knew what I was doing and told myself that after all I’d been through, I deserved a little mental and emotional break. I’m sure I did, but Jesus was about to call me back out of my self-imposed break and remind me of the work He’s prepared me for all of my life. 

After the funeral, the little Baptist church that I had grown up in catered a late lunch for our family and friends. It was surreal for me to be there again, with people that I’d known as a child, in a place that had been central to so much of my childhood. The church’s choir director from my childhood approached me and said, “Pam, I was lying in bed last night thinking about you and what you’ve done with your family. It’s incredible. Can I ask you a personal question?” I said, “Of course.” He asked, “Why do you do it? Adopt and care for these kids?” Well, that’s easy, I thought. I gave him my most amazing spiritual answer, “Because the Bible says to… in James 1:27 it says that pure religion is caring for widows and orphans….in Psalm 68:5 & 6 it says that God sets the lonely in family….how could I not answer the call of Jesus to care for the fatherless?” Boom! Nailed it, scripture and all. The look on his face and the shaking of his head to indicate “no” told me otherwise. He said, “Let me ask it a different way, do you think the way you grew up has anything to do with it?” In an instant the Holy Spirit used his simple question to totally shake me to the core. To be clear, I’m not oblivious to the fact that my childhood has had a huge bearing on why I do what I do in our family. I’ve shared that many times. But this was different. Other people that I share it with, they don’t know. This man, he knew. This statement from a man who had watched me grow up and has known me all of my life shook me. 

Staring into his face, I saw the truth of what the Lord was using him to remind me of—my own brokenness. In this conversation, I couldn’t gloss over the truth of my childhood and the struggles of our family. The absolute miracle it is that I’m leading the life that I am, in spite of it all. He was staring into the face of a little girl who had all odds stacked against her, yet God had used it and redeemed it all. I couldn’t deny the brokenness that surrounded me as a child, and as I reflected on all that he must know and remember, I was moved by the look of compassion on his face. Standing there in that hallway, Jesus showed me, again, what it felt like to have someone see all of your stuff, all of your pain, all of your brokenness, and patiently understand. It was a healing moment for me as he quietly acknowledged, with one simple question, that my pain and struggle were real. God saw them and so did he. As we conversed about the ways in which my childhood shaped me into becoming the mom that I am today, I sensed Jesus calling me back to the work that He had uniquely molded me for all of my life—to be moved with compassion for my children’s brokenness and see their stuff, their pain, and their brokenness and patiently understand. 

It’s incredibly easy on this journey to lose sight of compassion in the midst of the daily grind of family. Quickly we can become so focused on the frustrating issues of school, behavior, routines, and correction that we forget the pain and loss that brought our children into our lives. And it’s especially easy when you’re battle-weary and in the very midst of crisis. In our children’s most desperate and hurtful moments, we absolutely cannot afford to lose sight of the inner struggles and pain that they are battling. In nearly every instance that the Bible records Jesus as being “moved with compassion,” healing follows. For our family and our children to experience healing, we must allow our hearts to continually be moved with compassion toward them. Where compassion leads, healing follows. 

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I encourage you to spend time with your spouse (or a trusted friend if you're single) to answer the following questions.  

Discussion Questions – DAY EIGHT: Moved With Compassion

1. Have you ever experienced someone showing you compassion and mercy, even when you didn’t deserve it? Explain how this made you feel. 

2. Today’s devotion says, “In nearly every instance that the Bible records Jesus as being ‘moved with compassion,’ healing follows. For our family and our children to experience healing, we must allow our hearts to continually be moved with compassion toward them. Where compassion leads, healing follows.” In what ways does that challenge you? In what ways does it encourage you?

3. Talk about a time you were moved with compassion for your child. What happened?

4. What are some specific areas of healing that you’re praying for in your child? How can this group support you and pray with you?

The full 30-days of this devotional are available on Amazon.