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Rationalization

Some women don’t succumb to denial, but they fall into a different trap – the trap of rationalization. They make a conscious decision to keep the peace at any price. In spite of their husband’s adulterous behavior, they tell themselves that their passive response is virtuous. “It’s for the sake of the children,” they say. Or, “It’s the only way to keep our family intact.”

If you are caught in a rationalization trap, in your heart of hearts you probably know that your thinking is driven primarily by your emotions. You feel distraught, frozen with fear, and completely at a loss as to how to cope with an out-of-control husband. But rather than admit this to yourself, you rationalize. You come up with a more acceptable and respectable explanation for your lack of initiative.

There’s only one way to get out of this rut. You need to be gut-wrenchingly honest about your emotions and motivations. Learn to replace passivity with a productive, godly strategy for confronting your wayward spouse.

If you don’t know what to do, don’t let embarrassment or pride keep you from asking for help. Remember, this is not your fault. No one is responsible for another person’s unfaithful actions. It’s actually healthy and respectful to draw a caring but firm line in the sand that calls your husband into the process of change.

Next, we’ll look more closely at all-or-nothing thinking.