Relationships 101ಮಾದರಿ

Healing after hurt

Hurt happens. I wish there was a way to avoid encountering hurt, but there isn’t. There are a lot of ways that it can come, but how do you move on after there has been hurt? Honestly, all hurts aren’t equal. Some are easier to deal with, while others are really messy. Jesus gives us instructions that we talked a bit about earlier.

Don’t spread offense. Go to them alone. Bring two witnesses and go to the church leadership; If they still don’t listen, treat them as an unbeliever. We are going to reflect back on this last step in a minute, but first I want to look at the role of forgiveness.

Mark 11:25 says WHENEVER we pray, we are to forgive ANYONE, ANYTHING, that your Father in Heaven may also forgive your trespass. This is a really strong statement, but this isn’t the only spot it comes up. The idea is that if we withhold forgiveness from those who have wronged us, we withhold the forgiveness we need for ourselves. We are given clear instructions to forgive just as Christ forgave (Ephesians 4:32). I know that can be hard when people have done something awful. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what they did was okay. Forgiveness turns them over to God and allows us to go forward free. Ephesians 4:26-27 gives a warning that holding on to our anger and refusing to forgive, gives place to the devil in our lives. When we hold on to the hurt and offense, it stays fresh and painful no matter how many years go by. My wife taught me about forgiving in awful situations. She shared that she prayed for those who had abused her. She said they were pawns that Satan used. If they go to help,l that is a victory for Satan. So she began to pray for them, that they would repent, that their eyes would open, and they could see the wickedness of their ways and discover the wonders of God’s love. She prayed they would repent and that God would be able to do a work in them. It set her free in a powerful way! But here is the part I think that sometimes gets missed. Forgiveness and trust are different. If you default on a loan and the bank decides to forgive your debt, that means you don’t owe it anymore, but that doesn’t mean they will give you another loan. Forgiveness is something we give; trust is something that is earned. Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you need to stay in a dangerous situation. In Jesus' instructions, He said if someone wouldn’t listen to the church, treat them as an unbeliever. So we are still going to forgive them but don’t have an expectation of them trying to do what is right. We can live free from the past but set up boundaries to protect the future. If trust has been broken, while we need to forgive, rebuilding that trust is a process, and that is okay. If we are the ones who broke the trust, we need to understand that it will be a journey to rebuild what was broken. We need to be willing to go through the process to restore trust and that may take time. But if we repent, apologize, recognize our failure, and are willing to walk through the process, we can see healing. But remember, if you have been hurt, forgiving is the key to your own freedom. It's no longer demanding they make all things right, but giving it to God. This sets us free, and it lets God heal us.