Relationships 101ಮಾದರಿ

How to Fight Right - Communication

Avoiding fights is something to be honored. Proverbs 20:3 & Proverbs 17:14 warn us that it's a fool who is quick to quarrel. But as long as we live with other people there will always be areas of disagreement. How we handle them determines if it's a fight or not. We navigate problems, challenges, and disagreements with communication. Communication is necessary for all healthy relationships. How we communicate is just as important as what we communicate. So, let's look at some Biblical directions for how we communicate and how to fight right.

Don’t look for a fight Proverbs 20:3; 17:14. I have seen more pointless fights than I can count. For example, when someone is sharing a story and another person feels the need to correct an irrelevant detail. It may be how long ago the event happened, the exact time, temperature, or some other random detail, but they can get into arguing over who is right. Pride and insecurity will often look for opportunities to elevate ourselves over others. Walking in love avoids unnecessary controversies.

Don’t accuse. Many times, when addressing a problem, we start with blame. We start by telling them how wrong they are. This comes naturally to most of us; however, the natural response to being accused or attacked is to defend ourselves. When we make them the problem, they tend to defend or deflect. When we separate the person from the problem and talk about the problem or its effect on us, it changes the conversation. We can give the opportunity to fix a problem rather than making them the problem. For example, a conflict over being late. If we start with an attack, it may sound like, “You are making us late again,” or “You’re always making us late.” Which will probably bring a response that points back at you. “You just don’t understand how much more I have to do to get ready.”….“Maybe if you,”…. Things are off to an escalating match of blaming, trying to place more responsibility on the other person. But if we stop accusing and separate the problem from the person, it may go something like, “Being on time is really important to me. What can we do to make that possible.” Maybe they say, “I need help getting the kids breakfast so I can get ready.” Maybe we need to get some stuff ready the night before; maybe it's the wake-up time that’s the issue. Maybe we need more margin in our schedule and have to aim to be 30 minutes early so the baby's blowout doesn’t make us late. But in this scenario, we are now working as a team, working together for a solution, instead of as enemies trying to place blame on someone else.