Day 3: “Am I spending time with God?”

Today’s soul question is, “Am I spending time with God?” We focus on what we like to call “The Spiritual Dance.”

Consider today’s soul question for a moment. What’s the first thought that comes to your mind? Was it layered with guilt, or did you receive it as a gentle reminder to focus on spending time with God daily? Whether you went down the guilt path or the gentle path has to do with what you experienced in your formative years - another aspect of what you bring to your marriage. (A nod to Day 2’s lesson)

What does spending time with God have to do with our marriage? Everything.

Jesus modeled something so powerful for us, and it’s almost too simple and in plain sight that we skip right over it. Jesus had this “Spiritual Dance” of sorts, pointing to one of the most powerful aspects of our marriage that keeps us healthy: the balance of coming together and individuation. We often call this the “Relationship Dance” as well.

Scripture tells us in Luke 5:15-16: “Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.”

Jesus spent time with His disciples, teaching them, loving them, doing ministry with them, etc. He then consistently took time to be by Himself and be with the Father. Not that Jesus needed refueling as we do, but it was important for Him to spend time with those closest to Him and to spend time alone and with God.

In relationships, we need the same balance. When we spend time with our spouse, it actually requires energy. Think of the word relationship as “The art of relating to another.” When we're in a relationship, we spend time together and then reflect on the interactions and connection we experience with that person. In doing this, we learn about ourselves and how we experience ourselves and our spouse in the context of our marriage.

When we spend too much time together and neglect the opportunity to reflect, rest, and especially spend time with God, is when conflict can begin. That seemingly out-of-the-blue bout of conflict is our unconscious's way of saying, “I need space!”. We generally feel too guilty to ask for time for ourselves, so we disconnect from our spouse indirectly.

What does an indirect way look like, you might ask? Has the way your spouse chewed their food ever bothered you? That might be a sign that you need some time to be with God and refuel yourself, so you have the energy to connect with and love your spouse - and even how they chew their food.

Action Item: Schedule a regular time to do an activity that energizes you that also helps you cultivate quality time and intimacy with God. The energy and spiritual rootedness that you will create will always bring a powerful benefit to your marriage. Maybe it’s something simple like morning coffee time to yourself while you read and pray, or maybe going fishing by yourself so you can rest and pray. Whatever it is, create this opportunity for both you and your spouse to enjoy weekly.