Do You Want to Get Married and Have Children?

Genesis 1:27-28

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.’”

Psalm 127:3-5

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.”

One of the first things you’ll want to know before getting serious about a person is if there is a future. Is marriage on the table?

Once you know that, talking about having kids is important, even if it feels far down the road. Knowing someone’s vision for a family is essential before getting into a serious relationship. If one person definitely wants kids and the other does not, there isn’t too much you can or should do to try to change their mind.

The Bible talks a lot about having kids. In the beginning, God told Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply,” meaning: have a lot of babies. And many Christians take this command to heart today. However, it’s important to note that God doesn’t say that every fertile couple must have biological children or that infertile couples must adopt. However, if it’s God’s plan for your life to have children–if He is calling you to start a family–it is vital to respond to that call.

But if God isn’t calling you to start a family, and you don’t want to have children, it’s important to communicate that to a potential long-term partner. Being on the same page about family early on can save a lot of heartache, frustration, and disappointment down the road.

Again, this conversation should definitely go beyond a yes or no response. Even if you find yourself on the page about having kids, you should also discuss the logistics and expectations of starting a family.

If, by “yes,” you mean you want to start a family within a year and have five kids as soon as possible, and your partner’s “yes” means maybe you’ll start trying in five years for one kid, there’s a disconnect. Two people who want kids still might not make a good long-term match if the vision for a family is different.

A disconnect isn’t grounds for a breakup right away. It simply opens up the conversation to begin dreaming together about what a long-term relationship, marriage, and family could look like.

Questions to Ask:

Do you want to have children?

If yes,

Do you have an idea of when you’d like to get married?

How soon after marriage would you want to start trying?

How many kids do you imagine having?

Are you open to adoption?

What are your expectations for family roles once kids are in the picture?

If no,

Why don’t you want to have kids?

Are you open to fostering or adopting children?

Is having a family something you’d reconsider down the road?