How Does Knowing Who I Am and Who God Is Inform How I Date?

By Natasha Byrd

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.”—Ephesians 5:1 (ESV)

As a believer, our identity in Christ is of utmost value when we’re dating. We’re called to walk as imitators of Christ. As we walk in the light of who Christ is (imitating Him at all times), it helps us shape the who and what in dating.

Let’s first begin with the “who.” When dating (and marrying), believers are called to be equally yoked to another believer. 2 Corinthians 6:14–15 (NIV) says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?”

The Bible is clear: We must know the character of whom we would attach ourselves to when it comes to our “fellowship.” As we just read, light and dark cannot coexist. For example, if you enter into a dark room and turn your cell phone light on, you would have brought light into the darkness and whatever was hidden would be brought into light. Likewise, when we enter into a relationship, we need to bring light into the relationship. Now, let’s not confuse this to think that you can overcome someone's darkness with your light; rather, your light mixed with their light should make the room shine brighter revealing more of the goodness of what God has for both of you.

A relationship that is unequally yoked will not bring forth the full glory of what God desires for you. As a believer you cannot serve the Lord by walking and fully imitating Him if you’re unequally yoked with someone who is not walking and imitating the Lord. This leads us to the “what.” What does healthy dating look like?”

Your dating relationship should always point back to the Lord. This might sound so cliché, but ask yourself, “What would Jesus do?” Once you’ve found someone, pay attention to their walk. Are they imitating Christ in their actions and deeds? At this point, you should be able to discern if you’d be equally yoked or not. And even then, it doesn’t automatically mean they’re the one.

I challenge you to take the time to pray and seek out their likes and desires. Talk about your future, wishes, hopes, and dreams. Begin to question your heart's desires, ensuring it aligns first with God’s desires for you (Psalm 37:4) and then assessing their heart’s desire to ensure it aligns. Be accountable in this relationship—include others who are of wise counsel to walk with you both. Seek out an older couple to allow fruitful conversations.

God’s will is the best. He must be a part of every interaction . . . include Him in everything. Date with an open heart always looking to be pointed back to Jesus. Dating is exciting! Enjoy getting to know each other, but remember to keep God first in all things (Matthew 6:33)!